What Is Dementia?
Understanding Dementia: How Alzheimer’s Disease Affected My Nan Pat
Written by Emma Doney, Our Founder
“Dementia is a term that covers a range of conditions affecting memory, thinking, and communication. It’s not just about forgetting names or misplacing things—it changes the way a person experiences the world. One of the most common types of dementia is Alzheimer’s disease, which slowly damages brain cells, making everyday life more confusing and difficult over time.
I know this because I saw it firsthand with my Nan, Pat. She was always fiercely independent, proud of her home, and loved nothing more than chatting with family over a cup of tea. But as Alzheimer’s took hold, she started to slip away from the person we all knew. The changes were subtle at first, but over time, they became impossible to ignore.
What is Dementia?
Dementia isn’t a single disease—it’s a collection of symptoms caused by different brain conditions. Alzheimer’s, the most common form, causes a slow decline in memory, reasoning, and the ability to manage daily tasks. It’s progressive, meaning it worsens over time. Some early signs include:
Forgetting recent events or conversations
Struggling to find the right words
Getting lost in familiar places
Repeating questions or stories
Changes in mood or personality
As the disease progresses, it becomes harder to recognise loved ones, follow conversations, or complete everyday activities like making a cup of tea.
Nan’s Journey with Alzheimer’s
When Nan first started showing signs, we thought it was just old age catching up with her. She’d ask the same questions over and over, misplace things, and tell stories that didn’t quite make sense. But soon, the small changes became much bigger.
She started accusing people of stealing her jewellery, convinced that her treasured rings and necklaces had been taken, when in reality, she had hidden them away herself. One time, she panicked because she thought she had lost her handbag—only for us to find it still hanging on her shoulder.
The worst moments came when she felt trapped or confused. A well-meaning carer once took her out for coffee while wearing a nurse’s uniform, and Nan became distressed, thinking she was being taken somewhere against her will. These moments weren’t just frustrating—they were heartbreaking. She wasn’t just forgetting things; she was losing her sense of safety and trust in the world around her.
How Alzheimer’s Changes More Than Just Memory
One of the hardest parts of watching Nan’s decline was realising that it wasn’t just her memory that was affected—it was her whole sense of identity. She became easily frustrated, sometimes lashing out or refusing help. She needed structure and familiarity, and sudden changes made her anxious. Having a consistent routine and familiar faces helped ease some of her confusion.
She also lost confidence in everyday tasks. Simple things like making tea or getting dressed became difficult because she couldn’t remember the steps or would get overwhelmed halfway through. Alzheimer’s didn’t just take her memory—it slowly chipped away at her independence.
The Importance of Compassionate Care
Looking after someone with dementia isn’t about correcting them or making them remember—it’s about meeting them where they are. Instead of telling Nan that no one had stolen her jewellery, we would calmly help her look for it, reassuring her along the way. Instead of arguing when she forgot who someone was, we would gently remind her, or just go along with the conversation in a way that made her feel comfortable.
Having companionship and structured support made a huge difference. Nan struggled with being alone during the day, and when she had company—someone to chat with, do puzzles, or just sit with her—she was noticeably calmer. Dementia-friendly activities like listening to familiar music or looking at old photos helped bring moments of joy, even on difficult days.
What I Learned from Nan’s Experience
Dementia is unpredictable and often cruel, but it also teaches us patience, kindness, and the importance of human connection. I learned that small things—a reassuring touch, a familiar song, a simple daily routine—can make the world of difference to someone with Alzheimer’s.
If you’re caring for a loved one with dementia, my biggest piece of advice is to focus on what they feel, rather than what they remember. Even if they don’t recognise you, they can still feel love, warmth, and security. And at the end of the day, that’s what matters most.”
