How To Support Someone With Dementia

Here’s an insight from our founder Emma on what it’s really like to care for someone with Dementia.

Caring for Someone with Dementia: A Step-by-Step Guide

“Caring for someone with dementia is both deeply rewarding and incredibly challenging. It requires patience, understanding, and the ability to adapt to ever-changing needs. Dementia isn’t just about memory loss—it affects mood, perception, and the way a person experiences the world. The key to providing the best care is stepping into their reality, creating a sense of familiarity, and offering structure and companionship.

I learned this firsthand with my nan, Pat. She was always independent, strong-willed, and proud. But when dementia took hold, things started to change. She would misplace her handbag and panic that it had been stolen, only to find it still on her shoulder. She accused people of stealing her jewellery, convinced that items had been taken when they had simply been tucked away in drawers. One of the hardest moments was when someone kindly took her for coffee while wearing a nurse’s uniform—she felt like she was being taken somewhere against her will. It became clear that she needed structure, familiarity, and regular companionship to help her feel safe and at ease.

Through this experience, I’ve put together a step-by-step guide to caring for someone with dementia in a way that supports their dignity and wellbeing.

Step 1: Understand Their Reality

Dementia changes how a person sees the world. Instead of correcting them when they forget something or become confused, try to enter their reality. If they believe someone has stolen an item, acknowledge their feelings rather than insisting they’re wrong. A response like, “That must be really upsetting, let’s have a look together,” is far more comforting than, “Don’t be silly, no one has taken it.”

Step 2: Provide Structure and Routine

People with dementia thrive on routine and familiarity. Sudden changes can be distressing, so it’s important to create a predictable daily structure. Nan felt much calmer when she knew what to expect each day—familiar faces, regular mealtimes, and gentle activities that gave her a sense of purpose. Having a visual schedule or even a written reminder of what’s happening next can provide reassurance.

Step 3: Create a Safe and Familiar Environment

Simple adjustments to the home can reduce confusion and anxiety. Use labels on cupboards, remove unnecessary clutter, and ensure the space is well-lit. Dementia can also affect spatial awareness, so avoid patterned carpets that might be misinterpreted as holes or steps. Nan often felt disoriented when furniture was moved, so keeping things in consistent locations made a big difference.

Step 4: Encourage Meaningful Activities

Engagement in familiar and enjoyable activities is key to maintaining wellbeing. This doesn’t have to be complicated—listening to music, looking through old photo albums, or gardening can spark memories and create moments of joy. When Nan had company during the day, she was much calmer in the evening. Having someone to talk to, do puzzles with, or even just sit quietly alongside her made all the difference.

Step 5: Manage Difficult Moments with Compassion

Dementia can bring moments of agitation, paranoia, or distress. It’s important to remain calm and avoid confrontation. When Nan became angry about being taken for coffee by someone in a nurse’s uniform, it was because she felt out of control. A simple change—having someone dressed in everyday clothes rather than professional attire—helped her feel more at ease. If someone is experiencing distress, reassure them rather than challenge them. Phrases like “I’m here for you” and gentle redirection to another activity can help ease the situation.

Step 6: Support Their Independence

Even as dementia progresses, many people can still make choices and remain involved in their own lives. Offer options rather than making all the decisions for them. Simple choices—like picking between two outfits or deciding whether they’d like tea or coffee—help maintain a sense of control.

Step 7: Take Care of Yourself as a Carer

Caring for someone with dementia is emotionally demanding, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. It’s crucial to take breaks, seek support, and ensure you have time to recharge. Whether it’s bringing in a companion for a few hours or using day services, taking time for yourself allows you to continue providing the best care possible.

Step 8: Seek Support and Community

You don’t have to do this alone. There are dementia support groups, respite services, and organisations like us that offer guidance and community. The more support you have, the better care you can provide.

Caring for someone with dementia isn’t about fixing things or making everything perfect. It’s about creating moments of comfort, connection, and reassurance. If you focus on their emotions rather than their words, provide a structured and familiar environment, and take care of yourself along the way, you’ll be making an incredible difference in their life.

If you’re supporting someone with dementia, remember—you’re not alone, and the small moments of kindness and understanding matter more than you know.

Caring for Someone with Dementia: What I’ve Learned, Key Take Aways!

Caring for someone with dementia is one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences a person can have. It’s a journey filled with love, patience, and adaptation. No two days are ever the same, and what works one day might not work the next. Over time, I’ve learned that understanding dementia isn’t just about memory loss—it’s about emotions, communication, and creating moments of joy in the present.

The Contented Dementia Approach: Their Reality is Their Truth

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve come across is from Contented Dementia, a book by Penny Garner (I was a little star struck when I spoke to her on the phone!). This approach teaches us to step into the world of the person with dementia, rather than trying to pull them into ours. When my grandmother started to struggle with remembering who people were, I initially tried correcting her, which only led to frustration and distress. Eventually, I realised that her truth mattered more than my correction. Instead of saying, “No, that’s not your sister, that’s your daughter,” I learned to go with the flow: “Yes, you must have shared a lot of good memories together.” This simple shift helped him feel more at ease and less confused.

The Importance of Giving Carers a Break

Caring for someone with dementia is a full-time role, even if you don’t live with them. Carer burnout is real, and I’ve seen firsthand how important it is to take breaks. Families often feel guilty about stepping away, but respite is essential—not just for the carer but for the person with dementia, too. Regular breaks allow carers to recharge, ensuring they can continue providing the best possible support. Whether it’s bringing in a companion for a few hours, using a day service, or simply having a friend sit in for a chat, little pockets of time away make a huge difference.

Becoming a Dementia Friend: The Power of Awareness

The Alzheimer’s Society’s Dementia Friends initiative helped me understand dementia on a deeper level. Becoming a Dementia Friend isn’t about being an expert—it’s about learning how to be more supportive in everyday situations. One of the most eye-opening things I learned is that dementia isn’t just about memory loss. It affects perception, emotions, and even physical abilities. If a person with dementia insists there’s a hole in the floor, it’s not just confusion—it could be that the dark-colored carpet genuinely looks like a hole to them. Small changes, like using contrast-colored tableware or avoiding patterned carpets, can make the world feel safer and more manageable for someone with dementia.

Sundowning: Easing the Late-Afternoon Restlessness

One of the toughest challenges I’ve faced is sundowning, a period of restlessness, confusion, or agitation that often happens in the late afternoon or evening. It used to break my heart when my grandmother would become anxious, asking to "go home" even when she was already at home. I’ve found that routine, lighting, and distraction help a lot. Simple things like closing the curtains before it gets dark, playing familiar music, or offering a warm drink can create a sense of security. Sometimes, just sitting quietly and holding her hand was all she needed.

The Heart of Dementia Care: Connection Over Perfection

At the end of the day, caring for someone with dementia isn’t about fixing things—it’s about connection. Whether it’s through music, laughter, a shared story, or just being present, those are the moments that matter most. Dementia doesn’t take away a person’s emotions or their need to feel loved and valued. As carers, we might not always have the answers, but if we lead with kindness, patience, and understanding, we can make a world of difference.

If you’re caring for someone with dementia, know that you are not alone. Reach out for support, take breaks when you need them, and remember: you’re doing an incredible job.”